Be a Student
Do we have any time to be a student?I think,never.Because,We learn a lot of things always.Everyday, Plenty thing change.For example;Ancient times telephone did not find but present day, are used to cameras cell phone by person.It is awesome device.We should learn thorougly to avail cell phone but learning best times are students time phases preparatory school,high school and university.
The basis of students life is pre-school.That time, we are very small and our brain are fresh so Teacher very important.Students have innocent.They do small mischief.For instance;He/She cut his/her friends hair.I hope, children should live good style child times.
When students study high school,They are teenager.That spell the most important are love,expect very hard-working students,always.Each other love and be lover.We don't attach the lessons.I think,That years are very enjoy.If I were highschool students,aganist I do same.
Furthermore,'' be university student'' Firstly, You have responsibility.Especially,If you study at upstate... For intance;washing the clothes,washing the dishes, cook the meal.I think the hardest wake up early.Because I get up late everyday.Besides I feel free.I decide everything.Life is very enjoy with friends.
To sum up,Student spells have pre-school,high scholl and university.We are flourishing day by day.May I won't live good things always.I am sure ,The best years are student years so we should live...
Hi Selen,
YanıtlaSilIt's nice to see that you have written an essay.
I think I understood your topic, but some points are not very clear to me.
firstly, I couldn't understand your introduction, it it from general to specific? and also I couldn't understand the relation between students and cell phone and camera, what did you mean in that paragraph?
your thesis statement is also a little bit vague, I understood that you are writing three important times for students to learn best are pre-school (primary or pre-school? ), high school and university. am I right?
the second point is you didn't use transition signals such as first, second, another, finally etc in your topic sentences.
also you didn't start second and third paragraph with a topic sentence. for example, you can write, "the second important time period in students' life is high school" . and then you can start giving examples or explanations.
there are some vocabula
ın your third body paragraphions. "besides" is used with similar things. you should use "on the other hand, however etc." you talked about both positive or negative things about university lide. but you should use wrong conjunctry problems:
"we are very small" not small but "little or young".
what do you mean by good style child times? do you mean "I hope children can have a pleasant childhood"?
what do you mean by spell?
attach the lessons?
there are some problems with sentence structures too.
students are innocent.
years are very enjoyable. life is very enjoyable with friedns. you should use adj after "very".
do you mean this: they love each other and become lovers?
you should use a sentence after "for instance and for example".
and also " may I wont live good things??
your title should be "being a student". ıf you use verbs like this, use them with Ving.
these are my comments on your first essay. Iam sure you will improve your writing by writing more. Iam looking forward to your following essays:)
thank you for your comment :)
Silı have large dream world so this paragraph not clear :P
always we learn thing as use to phone .student's work is learning ..pre school=primary school is Turkish english :P
spell means that period... that after coming soon..
P.S you can find this comment